let me run through my day for you so far.

7:15 am: Maggie wants to sleep until her alarm goes off at 7:30. Jack wants to yell what can only be assumed to mean "THIS BABY IS EQUIPPED WITH LUNGS AND ABLE TO YELL! HEY EVERYONE! I LEARNED HOW TO YELL! HEY! HEY! HEY EVERYONE!"

8:10 am: Maggie wants to watch saved by the bell. Jack wants to throw up on Maggie.

9:15 am: Maggie wants to take a shower. Jack wants to cry. Maggie finishes shower, picks up jack, who promptly throws up her. Again.

10:15 am: Maggie wants to watch E.R. Jack wants to scream.

11:30 am: Jack continues to scream. Maggie wants to die.

11:45 am: Jack finishes eating, is burped, and falls asleep for exactly 5 minutes, then resumes screaming. Maggie tries to decide if she should kill Jack or herself. Realizing Jack would be much, much more missed than she would be, she decides she should be the one to go. Then Maggie realizes Kristen might be mad if she leaves Jack unattended and in the same room as a dead body. Maggie takes Jack to the mall.

12:45 pm: Jack wants to sleep, but only if the stroller is moving. Maggie wants to try on a dress. Maggie puts on dress in dressing room, but the stroller is stopped, so Jack wakes up, and, of course, screams. Maggie leaves the store, embarrassed. Jack falls back asleep.

3:30 pm: at the library to use internet. Maggie wants to either surf internet, take a nap, or call her college roommate and cry and miss college. Jack wants to yell.

Jack always wins. Always. the "i'm 8 weeks old, bitch!" is a trump card that i simply can't compete with.

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this is a really exciting time for my friends and i. we all just graduated college, and are all doing really different things. some are going to grad school, some are getting jobs (or trying to). some got married or are getting married. one is in the peace corps in Kazakhstan, one is teaching in english in tanzania, one is teaching english in france. in september, i'll be moving into a community house owned by the north baltimore mennonite church. the house is currently home to about 12 people. there will be about 4 volunteers thorough the mennonite voluntary service (like me), a few boarders, and a few refugees from places like Iraq, ethiopia, and camaroon. I'll be working as a personal advocacy counselor at a homeless shelter in the city.

i'm really excited about my "job", and even more excited about my house and housemates. my friends are also excited about grad school or jobs or marriage, whatever they're doing. i'm excited. i really am. but as i prepare to enter this semi- "real world" where things like health insurance and dinner and transportation are things no longer handed to me, i can't help but miss school a little bit. i'm realizing, thanks to jackson, how incredibly selfish the last 22 years of my life have been, especially the last 4. the reason it's hard for me to stop everything i'm doing and ignore what i want to tend to the needs of someone else is because i've never had to worry about anyone but myself before. i know it's good for me to learn to be more selfless, especially since i'll be taking care of (adult) people at the shelter next year. i don't expect they will need or ask me to wipe their butts or feed them breast milk (God, I hope not) but i know that there will be times when i'll want to sleep (or eat, or go home, or call my roommate and cry) and they'll need something, and i will have to forget about what i need or want and take care of them and their needs. that's what my job will be, that's what i WANT my job to be, i WANT to take care of people. i'm good at it and i enjoy it, but holy crap, sometimes it's draining.

i keep thinking about my senior year in college. i keep remembering "beer, backrub, and bachelor" nights where my friends and i would drink beer, give each other backrubs, and watch the bachelor online (God, i could go for a good backrub). Or nights when we'd go out to a bar and come back slightly inebriated, arguing about if i should write on that guy's facebook wall again (the answer to that question is ALWAYS no, but unfortunately, angela was never once able to convince me of this). i'll miss waking up on saturdays at 11, looking over and seeing my roommate on her computer, getting up and playing on the internet, then lazily walking to the cafeteria for a brunch of scrambled eggs, pizza, and diet coke. i'm going to miss staying up til 2 and writing papers. i'm going to miss having access to amazing art facilities and incredible faculty. i'm going to miss knowing about 40% of the people i see, by face if not by name. i'm going to miss living with my best friends.

actually... i already do.

and again, i'm excited about this new chapter in my life, and i do love taking care of jack. and leaving school doesn't mean i've stopped learning. for example, i have learned that i don't want kids for at least another 43 years, and i will learn how to get around on the baltimore bus system. but i still can't help feeling while i'm trying to convince an 8 week old that he really, really will be happier if he stops spitting out his pacifier, and look ahead to a life where i am expected to be out of bed before 10 EVERY DAY and to never wear my pajamas to work, i can't help but feel a little sad about the life i've already left behind. maybe we're never ready to move on. maybe it's better to leave while i still like it, to keep college as a happy place, full of good memories. maybe it isn't all downhill from here. maybe i'll like grocery shopping.

i don't know, though. i'm going to call my roommate; she knows most stuff.