artist statement

It's been twelve months since I left Kenya and there in the fourth week I saw the first and only dead body I've ever seen-- a child. On a cot in the Kakamega public hospital (not the one for white people) I think he starved to death. So skinny and dead. Oh god oh god he's dead that one on the cot he's dead muffled Kiswahili skinny dead.The day we took the babies to the clinic I picked the chubby baby because I needed one to be healthy and I needed to hear she was going to be OK and carry her out and feel better but they said no, this one, she's not fat because she's eating, she's fat because she's being eaten. Parasites, they said, that whole big belly of yours full of worms, all 20 pounds of you were parasitic worms and you weren't OK and I'm sorry I'm so sorry I chose you to take to the clinic and I'm sorry I never knew your name and I'm sorry that you're not OK.


I'm sorry, Bonnie and Maxwell and Ben and Luvembe and Wyclif and Steven and Eric and Issac. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry all I ever gave you was a soccer ball. I'm sorry I didn't give you the candy bar the day on the street when you were high. I was so scared. You're twelve and I'm scared. I'm sorry if you're dead now and I'm sorry I don't know if you're dead. And baby Joesph with the yellow hat, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I put you down I had to leave we had to leave I had to leave Mathare. And baby Nakariah from Huruma-- Huruma, it means Mercy-- they call you and orphan but someone had to put you in the dumpster where they found you. Who, baby, who? And Kathleen stared at the chest of that boy she held and told me over and over she had to watch his chest to see if he's still breathing is he breathing he's not breathing and that one, that one is dead now, I'm quite sure of it.


30,000 every 24 hours. 20.83 a minute. I made 25 a minute so I could stay ahead of you but 2,460,000 more starved to death in the two months it took me to make this one day.






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